The cat is only domesticated to the extent that it serves its own purposes; it will not be kenneled or chained and will not allow anybody to dictate when it goes outside or when it comes back inside. Long-term interaction with the human race has instilled the art of diplomacy in it, and no Roman Catholic in medieval times knew better how to ingratiate himself with his surroundings than a cat with a saucer of cream on its mental horizon. Long-term interaction with the human race has instilled in it the art of diplomacy.
So, Does Your Cat Own You?
| Do you select your friends based on how well your cats like them? |
| Does your desire to collect cats intensify during times of stress? |
| Do you buy more than 50 pounds of cat litter a month? |
| Do you scoop out the litter box after each use? Do you wait at the box with the scoop in your hand? |
| Do you think it’s cute when your cat swings on the drapes or licks the butter? |
| Do you admit to non-cat owners how many cats you really have? |
| Do you sleep in the same position all night because it annoys your cats when you move? |
| Do you kiss your cat on the lips? |
| Do you feed your cat tidbits from the table with your fork? |
| Does your cat sit at the table (or ON the table) when you eat? |
| Does your cat sleep on your head? Do you like it? |
| Do you have more than four opened but rejected cans of cat food in the refrigerator? |
| Do you watch bad TV because the cat is sleeping on the remote? |
| Did you buy a videotape of fish swimming in an aquarium to entertain your cat? |
| Will you stand at the open door indefinitely in the freezing rain while your cat sniffs the door, deciding whether to go out or come in? |
| Would you rather spend a night at home with your cat than go out on a bad date? |
| Do you give your cat presents and a stocking at Christmas? Do you spend more on your cat than you do on your spouse? |
| Do the Christmas cards you send out feature your cat sitting on Santa’s lap? Does your cat sign the card? |
| Do you put off making the bed until the cat gets up? |
| Does your cat eat out of cutting crystal stemware because you both watched the same commercial on television? |
| Do you microwave your cat’s food? Prepare it from scratch? |
| Do you climb out of bed over the headboard or footboard, so you won’t disturb the sleeping cat? |
| At the store, do you pick up the cat food and kitty litter before you pick out anything for yourself? |
| Do you cook a special turkey for your cat on holidays? |
| Does your cat “insist” on a fancy Sunday breakfast consisting of an omelet made from eggs, milk, and salmon, halibut, or trout? |
| Do you have pictures of your cat in your wallet? Do you bring them out when your friends share pictures of their children? (Pollsters claim that 40 percent of cat owners carry their pet’s pictures in their wallets, by the way.) |
| When people call to talk to you on the phone, do you insist that they say a few words to your cat as well? |
| Do you accept dates only with those who have a cat? If so, do you eventually double-date with the cats to see how they get along? |
| When someone new comes to your house, do you introduce your cat, by name, to them? |
